


When We Were Lovers

by beautiful_flyaway



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Drabble, Drabble Collection, Facebook, Hurt, M/M, Shorts, chat format, facebook chat
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-09 10:40:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11667468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beautiful_flyaway/pseuds/beautiful_flyaway
Summary: Mitch and Auston's conversations through facebook messenger.





	When We Were Lovers

**Author's Note:**

> The following is in facebook chat format.

_Conversation with Auston Matthews_

_17 DECEMBER 2018 20:04_

_Mitch Marner  
_ I think I deserved more than this. More than being ghosted.

 _Mitch Marner_  
Fuck, I can’t even call it being ghosted, because you’re still right there. Every morning on the rink, every night in the locker room. But you’re so fucking far away. I can pass you the puck, I can cellie with you when we score, but I can’t. Fucking. Reach. You.

 _Mitch Marner  
_ And reaching you used to be as easy as breathing, because you used to reach for me first. Do you remember our first kiss? It was after that stupid blowout loss against Tampa, and you were just. You were so mad that we lost. You scored that game, but it just wasn’t enough, and you were just. So angry. I was just there trying to get you to chill but then you grabbed me and your lips were on me, your hands were in my hair, you were still sweaty from the game…

 _Mitch Marner  
_ To me, your sweat reminds me of first kisses.  

 _Mitch Marner  
_ But now it also reminds me of regret. Regret that I let myself fall so hard. That I let myself get so high on you, thinking that you’d never let me go.    

 _Mitch Marner  
_ Remember being at the top of the ferris wheel last year in the Distillery District? You were so cold, and just so fucking cute while you complained about it. And when we finally got like ten seconds away from those damn cameras, you promised me we’d always be together. I would have kissed you right there if Willy and Zack weren’t watching, and that didn’t make you skittish, so instead I took your hand, where no one could see. You were wearing those stupid fingerless gloves, and your fingers were freezing, and I didn’t care because right then everything was perfect.

 _Mitch Marner  
_ I was playing in the NHL for my favourite team, had all these great friends, and I was in love with one of the greatest players in the league. And for some reason, he loved me too. I thought.

 _Mitch Marner  
_ Crazy how a year can change things, eh?

 _Mitch Marner  
_ I wish I knew what happened to us, Matts. We were fire, on and off the ice. The two of us? We could. We still CAN bring home the cup. We’re that good, and everyone knows it. Toronto loves us. Everyone loves us. Why don’t YOU love us?

 _Mitch Marner  
_ Remember that night in NYC? We beat the Rangers 4-2, and even though neither of us scored, we felt like we owned the world. We stood on the balcony of our hotel room that night, and we stared out over the city. And, yeah maybe New York’s lights were shining, but when I looked at you, you shined brighter than anything I’d ever seen.

 _Mitch Marner  
_ You and I spent almost a year after that, just. Inseparable. Got chirped for it constantly, which never bothered me because I loved you, and everything else was irrelevant. But it bothered you. You never said it, but I could tell. You always made a point to keep your space from me after Brownie would make kissing noises at us, or you would sit with Mo and Gards at the bar when JVR implied that he (as our YCP rep) accepted us. ‘course no one knew, you kept me your most guarded secret. A lie hidden in plain sight. And all those comments, they were all just harmless chirps.

 _Mitch Marner  
_ And I used to think I understood, because liking dudes in the NHL is. Well, it’s complicated. But it didn’t matter if no one knew about us, because we knew. And you loved me, and that’s all that mattered.

 _Mitch Marner  
_ But I actually get it now, and it wasn’t just the stigma. It wasn’t just you. It was me. If I were Werenski, or Tkachuk, or somebody, you’d have flaunted me, right? But I was too in love to see it. You were ashamed of me, because I’m. Well, I’m me. Too small for the league, sings on the bench, unashamedly dances in the locker room… I know how I am, and I know it’s a lot for some people. I just never thought. You were my best friend, you knew who I was. I never thought it would be too much for you, Auston.

 _Mitch Marner  
_ You never really loved me at all, did you, Matthews? I was just a warm body, a hot mouth, an eager, willing place to get your dick wet.

 _Mitch Marner  
_ So you spent a fucking year telling me all the things I wanted to hear to get what you wanted from me. And I fucking fell for it. God, Matts, I was so gone for you, I may as well have been watching you from the WAG section. And you knew it. You took advantage of it.

 _Mitch Marner  
_ My feelings aside, team mates don’t use other team mates like that. You know you could pick up anyone in any city any time you wanted. But I guess I was just easier. I guess you just liked that thing I did with my tongue.

 _Mitch Marner  
_ But it’s whatever, right man? It wasn’t your heart that got shattered, it was mine. Just like that stupid glass pane at our first practice. You’ve still got everything. And me?      

 _Mitch Marner  
_ I’m back at the Christmas Market, and it’s almost exactly the same as last year. Remember, Aus? Same bitter cold, same shoulder-to-shoulder crowds of people, same chocolate covered bacon that definitely isn’t in the diet plan. But this time there’s no cameras. There’s no girls flocking around Willy for pictures. There’s no fans pointing and whispering. And there’s definitely no you to ride with me on the ferris wheel. To insist that it’s “You and me forever, Marns.”

 _Mitch Marner  
_ Remember when you were cruel enough to promise me that up there? Well. I remember when I was dumb enough to believe it.

✓ _Seen 20:47_

 

**Author's Note:**

> So I kinda threw this together in a single morning while feeling angsty and sad, but I'll probably continue it. Maybe it'll get better, I'm not sure.


End file.
